First of all, for those of you reading this because there’s potential sex will be sadly disappointed. There isn’t any. I did some research and it turns out, according to Genesis, that Adam and Eve don’t get it on until after they’ve been kicked out of Eden.
In fact, it looks like they didn’t have time to do much of anything before the Serpent persuaded Eve to eat the apple. We can discuss the plot holes in Eden story another time. For now, here’s my take on what happened next:
Adam sat near the fire and sighed.
“Look, all I said was He commanded us to be fruitful, and if we want to get back in His good books we should probably do that.”
Eve threw another twig on the small fire and stared at him.
“Oh, NOW you’re interested in doing what God said. I like these sudden impulses of yours. Like that sudden impulse to stand up for me when we were being thrown out?”
“I didn’t have a…”
There was silence. The wood popped and squeaked as the fire consumed it. Around them, the night seemed full of movement and small, disconcerting sounds. Back in the Garden everything had been simpler and the animals had at least been polite.
“So much for all that ‘Your desire shall be for your Husband’ business” Adam muttered.
“It is” snapped Eve “and very inconvenient that is, too. I mean, you’re literally the only man in the world so it’s not like I can leave you and take up with someone who has an actual backbone or anything.”
“I’m sorry,” he said “it’s been a really trying day. I don’t need to tell you that. This morning when the sun came up everything was so simple. Now look at us.”
“And you blame me?”
Adam shook his head, staring out into the darkness.
“No. If the serpent had come to me, I would have done exactly the same thing. It might have taken longer for me to give in, but that’s only because I’ve spent more time around God and I’m more used to obeying Him. This is our fault, collectively. I’m just sorry it happened.”
Eve shrugged, brushing her hair away from her face.
“And I’m sorry I’ve reacted so defensively. It’s just that…He said I’d bear children in pain. I’m not looking forward to that. And one thing kind of leads to the other.”
She paused, hiding behind her hair again.
“Also,” she said “we’ve never done…that…before and I’m really not sure how it all works. Will it hurt?”
Adam grinned. Finally, he could help.
“It’s not painful at all,” he said “actually, it feels really good. You’ll enjoy it, I promise.”
Eve peered at him from behind her hair.
“How do you know?” she asked quietly. Adam, warming to his subject, moved closer.
“Well, my first wife really liked it, so we did it a lot.”
There was silence. Adam, about to put his arm around Eve, sensed the temperature around the fire drop quite substantially. He moved his arm away.
“First wife?” asked Eve.
“I’ve mentioned Lilith before, surely?” said Adam “I’m sure I’ve spoken to you about Lilith. She was…come on! Lilith! She got kicked out because she wanted to be in charge and be on top all the time! I’m always talking about Lilith!”
“First I’ve heard about her,” said Eve quietly “first I’ve heard about Lilith the domineering sex maniac. Wow. Sounds like you two had a really good time. And God kicked her out, you say?”
Adam nodded, was about to speak, caught sight of Eve’s expression in the firelight and closed his mouth.
“If only,” said Eve “if only we’d had even an inkling that God’s typical punishment for transgression was exile. If only we’d known that, if things didn’t go His way, He’d kick us out. That might have been really useful information to have at some point prior to us eating that apple.
“That,” she said “would have been really useful to know, ADAM.”
“Granted,” said Adam “and you know what, I feel pretty bad about not telling you, but frankly I only realised that I’d done the wrong thing after we ate the apple, but what with the sudden need to make clothes because we’re suddenly aware it’s bad to be naked and then the pressing business of God’s Judgement followed shortly by being told I’ll have to be a farmer all my life – and let me tell you, I have no idea what that means or what a farmer is, I expect you’ll be asking me to work that out starting tomorrow morning because we’ve got nothing to eat. So, you know, with God not being exactly forthcoming with instructions, all I know is that I’ll be eating food farmered with the sweat of my face! Like that makes any sense!
“So, yeah, Lilith slipped my mind! I would imagine that, if you’d had much of a past, bits of that might have slipped your mind today too! But no! Not Eve! Eve was created by God as the perfect companion for me after he’d worked out how to get you right. He didn’t make any mistakes with you, did he?”
He became aware that he was standing, and sat slowly back down.
“Sorry,” he said “this is ridiculous. You’re the last person I should be angry at. The worst of it is, I’m not. I’m angry at Him. But you’re the only other person in the world that I can talk to. Can we forgive each other and start again tomorrow?”
Eve thought about it for a few moments.
“Can we forgive each other and start again tonight?” she asked. Adam nodded slowly.
“Yes. I’m sorry for losing my temper with you, sorry I didn’t tell you everything up front…I think I was just really excited to meet you at first, and then later I didn’t want to think about anyone else…and, well, then we got thrown out of Paradise.”
“I’m sorry I was angry at you. Everything is new, and scary, and I don’t know what’s supposed to happen next. I thought God loved us, and I thought we could trust the Serpent, and everything’s gone horribly wrong, and it feels like it’s my fault.”
Adam sat next to her, put his arm around her shoulder and held her. She leaned against him, just for a moment enjoying the way she could relax and let his body take her weight…and curiously impressed that he seemed to be able to support her with no sign of effort.
They sat together for a time, body against body, sharing the warmth of the fire and a companionable silence. She rested her head against his shoulder.
“Is that how forgiveness works?” she asked. Adam looked at her sideways.
“How do you mean?”
“Is that all there is to it?”
He threw another stick on the fire.
“I don’t know,” he said “maybe. And maybe we get to decide how it works. Do you want to make it more complicated?”
“Not more complicated…” said Eve “…just…thinking about, you know, my desire being for my husband.”
“Oh” said Adam.
“And if it’s as much fun as you say, maybe it’s a good way to show we’re not angry at each other?”
“Yeah!” said Adam “I think…good plan!”
“So,” said Eve “show me how that works?”
They wrapped arms around one another, drew closer and decided to worry about farmering, and childbirth, and everything else, in the morning.